Sick, Dying, Missing Sean...All That Good Stuff!

Sunday, Nov. 28, 2004 at 10:43 p.m.

I'm feeling all sick and all I want is my boyfriend! And I think he is upset with me! Even though he says no.

I was supposed to go with him to his friend's house tonight for dinner. I really wanted to go and meet some of his friends, but at the same time I was kind of weirded out by it because he used to sleep with this girl. But that's not why I didn't go.

I didn't want to go and be all blah. I knew I wouldnt be myself cause I feel like shit, and I didnt want them to think I didn't like them or didnt want to be there. Plus I was hungry, but like couldnt eat much of anything and I didnt want her to think I didnt like it, and ya know? Just not a pleasent dinner guest. I'd rather be there when I can be normal and not just ruin the parade, ya know. So I thought it'd be best not to go.

After a while I felt bad because when I get sick I get very emotional. And all I wanted was my boyfriend, but I didn't want to drive to waterford, but I wanted to see him so I ring him and he seems like he doesn't want to see me so of course I take it out to the extremes and start to cry. Why? Who knows. I'm odd like that. So I stumble into the shower and then call melissa and she's like well come over and we'll watch the Stepford Wives. So I figure why not, I'll just be laying around here anyway.

So Sean got upset thinking I could go to Melissa's but not see him. I mean it's understandable, but that's not how it is.

Melissa lives 5 mins from me. And all I did there was what i'd do home, all alone anyway. I went over in my pajamas and had some food and layed down and watched a movie. That's all.

I would have loved to do that with Sean, but I mean he lives 20-40 mins from me depending on how fast I drive. And I'm not complaining because I knew about this to begin with. But in times like these he needs to be more understanding. I know his situation and I know he can't do the whole car thing right now and I understand that, but I just didn't want to drive out there feeling all sick and whatever, but I was going to do it just to be with him.

I dunno I'm rambling and making no sense. I just don't want him upset with me because he needs to know there is never a time where I wouldn't rather be with him than whatever it is I'm doing. Just sometimes things get in the way. I wish he was closer. I wish I lived in Waterford so I could drive 5 mins away in my pajamas and watch a movie with him while I hack up a lung. But right now I can't. But that doesn't mean he's 2nd choice to me. I hope he understands that.

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What'd ya miss Kel?

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